this thing's incredible

I Bought One, Then Two, Then Three Pairs of These No-Gape Jeans

Photo-Illustration: retailer

Proportionally speaking, I have an enormous ass. This is not a complaint, or even a brag; it is just a fact of life. Ask any of my friends — or my grandmother, from whom I inherited it — my butt is much larger than the rest of me, and it’s always been that way. As a result of my XXL-bottom-half lifestyle, buying jeans has historically been worse for me than for the average person (for whom I know it is still pretty bad). The main issue is that the largest size in most straight-size stores is often too small, while the smallest size in a plus range is usually, you guessed it, too large. (Size 16 can be a real fashion no-man’s-land.) My solution for many years has been to buy vintage men’s jeans and have them taken in, something that is time-consuming and expensive, and has limited my choices re: colour, cut, and style of jean to whatever I can find at vintage stores or on eBay. Recently on a whim, I tried Free People’s CRVY range, and it’s been a revelation.

While the name is a nightmare and the range offers a lot of extreme flared styles I have no interest in, CRVY jeans are cut specifically for people with a bigger hip-to-waist ratio (a 12-inch difference between hip and waist, compared to the industry’s usual 10), and there’s some kind of contouring seaming situation in the waistband that I don’t quite understand, but which is doing really important stuff for the waist and butt. I have never, ever owned jeans that did not gap at the back, but these fit perfectly right out of the box — a feeling roughly comparable to a night of class A drugs (I mean, I assume …). I pulled on that first pair (CRVY high-rise vintage straight jeans in “dark indigo”) and immediately ordered a second (CRVY Georgine mom jeans in “faded indigo”). When they arrived, they fit perfectly too. Is this what it’s like being Kate Moss???

Often, when jeans are specifically marketed to curvier bodies, you’re looking at a glorified jegging, with a super-skinny cut, limited range of washes, and turbo-stretch material. CRVY jeans have enough stretch to be comfortable, but the denim is rigid enough to provide support and a high-quality vintage feel. There’s also a wide range of cuts, washes, and styles on offer, including cutoffs, dungarees, and a ’70s-style zip-up jumpsuit that haunts my dreams in a good way. While not the cheapest possible jeans (a pair will set you back anywhere from £70 to £118), I figure I’m saving myself tailoring costs, plus hours of searching time, and honestly, the feeling of wearing jeans that just FIT is worth a lot to me. Am I writing this piece specifically to fund the acquisition of a pair of CRVY destructed straight-leg jeans? Yes. Do I also have my eye on these Day Camp Shorts in “pine“? Yes again.

If I sound like an Evangelist, it’s because I feel like a convert. I know these jeans won’t solve everyone’s denim-buying problems (for one thing, they have to start offering above a roomy size 35 to really represent the “CRVY” demographic), but if, like me, you’ve been languishing in the midsize-fashion desert or struggling to find a pair of “loose fit,” straight-size denim that is, ahem, actually loose … this might be the day your prayers are answered.

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I Bought One, Two, Then Three Pairs of These No-Gape Jeans